8 Signs You’re Too Old To Go Clubbing in Vancouver

My best friend is getting married this summer, and yet, I’m still finding myself swiping on Tinder. I’m nearly 27-years-old and have a love life with my Netflix account, is that sad?

RELATED: Vancouver’s Once Popular Night Clubs: Where Are They Now?

Engagements, babies and weddings surround us all each day. But what if we just want to slam back some good tequila and make bad decisions at Caprice? Age is not just a number when it comes to clubbing – some of us are old  and probably should stop standing in the VIP lines on Granville Street.

You’d rather go home to your dog than to hookup. Seriously. Own a Puggle and you’ll never want to leave your bed again. Especially for a club. You get to a certain age and somehow appreciate a furry friend more than a six-pack.

You despise loud music. Although some folks start to lose their hearing with age, you appreciate the moments of silence. For example, if you walk into a club and immediately cringe at the volume of the gangster rap blaring, you’re too old.

Hangovers are your end boss. If you’ve ever played Zelda, you’ll understand that a hangover is literally the equivalent of trying to defeat the hardest mofo at the end of the game. It’s almost impossible. You’d rather die than endure the Sunday hangover…which turns into a Monday/Tuesday hangover, too.

You run into your friend’s younger siblings at every club. “Oh hey, Crys! It’s my 19th birthday, want to buy me a shot?” You’ve nearly got a decade on these small fries and yet you’re lining up Jager Bombs for them to help celebrate adulthood.

You know every Throwback Thursday song they play…from the ‘90s. I ain’t talking Britney Spears circe 2002. This shit goes back to the early nineties when Boyz to Men was popular. Your music knowledge is like an encyclopaedia.

You wear the same clubbing outfit every time you go out. You may not go HAM as often, but when you do, you’re wearing the same fur vest and red heels every time. Someone complimented you on your 20th birthday and you can’t seem to leave that swag in the past.

You’re too busy filling your face with $1 pizza than actually at the club. When a late night food place becomes more important than getting down to Drake’s “One Dance” at the club, you probably shouldn’t even be clubbing in the first place.

You fall off the bull at Roosters on Level 1. Level 4 used to be your thing. You rocked that bull harder than any other fresh face at the bar. But then old hips somehow have let you down, and you can’t ride that cow longer than 30 seconds.

You find yourself comparing drink prices from “when you were 19”. Don’t ever do this. It’s a clear indication of your wrinkle status. If you ever find yourself reminiscing about Mirage’s dollar highballs, you’re probably past your bedtime.

Netflix is your best friend. You loved dressing up and hitting the town back in the day, but these days binge watching One Tree Hill on Netflix wets your Willy more than any club could. “Are you still watching” sounds better to you than a shot of vodka, any day.

Let’s face it: we’re all getting older each day. Sometimes, the club scene should be a thing of the past for a reason. If you can relate to any of the above, you’re too old.