How To Accept Getting Old

How To Accept Getting Old

simpsonsworld.com

You reminisce about the good ol’ days way too often, you unwillingly emit all sorts of sounds when you bend over and you actually use “When I was your age” while talking to people younger than you. You my friend, have a condition called “Getting Old”.

1. YOU START MAKING SOUNDS WHEN YOU BEND OVER TO PICK THINGS UP

Your knees start creaking like a wooden floorboard and make weird cracking sounds. You involuntarily let out a huge sigh after you’ve lifted something off the ground and consider that “a good workout”. Walking up a flight of stairs leaves you gasping for air along with an unwarranted sense of accomplishment.

2. YOU’RE EXCITED ABOUT BUYING A WASHING MACHINE OR A NEW FRIDGE

Harvey Norman? Hell yes! Seng Heng? That’s better than Disneyland wei. You also start frequenting places you once dreaded and had to be dragged to by your parents like IKEA and SSF. You have now started voluntarily searching for the best home décor outlets around and exhibitions that were once completely ignored like the “Interior Décor Expo” is now something you eagerly look forward to.

3. WHEN YOU START RELATING MORE TO THE PARENTS IN TV SHOWS/MOVIES

“Whoa, Peter Griffin sure must be doing pretty well to have three kids and such a huge house.” “Sheesh, imagine how hard it is for Rick to support and care for Carl in The Walking Dead. At least he doesn’t have to worry about college funds lah.” That’s right. From actually just watching a show for its pure entertainment value, you now start associating it with real life parenting. Some of you may even start paying more attention to how the house is decorated or designed. You know, for inspiration.

4. WHEN YOU ATTEND FAMILY FUNCTIONS, AND YOU’RE INTRODUCED AS “UNCLE” OR “AUNTY” TO KIDS

“Boy, come say hello to Uncle Marcus.” You put on a fake smile, introduce yourself and secretly die a little inside. But then you say something like “Wahh! So big already ah? The last time I saw you you were this small” and realize that you are indeed old. This is the part where you head to the bar and drown your sorrows – while singing along to music from the 80’s of course. Also, there’s the part where you actually start saying “When I was your age ah…”

5. YOUR PARENTS’ HEALTH BECOMES A MAJOR CONCERN

On a more serious note, your parents are now talking about their health problems and their friends dying and arthritis and getting EPF benefits. That's when the reality of aging really hits you. This is the part where you try to spend as much time as you can with ‘em, show them how grateful you are for all their sacrifices and just be there for them before it’s too late, dammit.

6. YOUR FAVOURITE MUSICIANS AND ACTORS ARE GONE

Ronnie James Dio, B.B. King, David Bowie, Alan Rickman and even the one considered immortal (besides Keith Richards) Lemmy have passed on recently. It’s such a loss to the entertainment industry but also an indication that in years to come, more legends will unfortunately be heading up to that big stage up above. Heaven’s bound to be having one heck of a music festival.

7. STUFF YOU USED TO LISTEN TO IS PLAYED ON LITEFM NOW

Stuff from the 90’s is now considered “Classic Rock”. We (the target demography of this article) consider bands like Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd to be under the “Classic Rock” umbrella, but you’ll probably catch Pearl Jam and maybe even Red Hot Chili Peppers on stations like Lite FM these days. We’re not complaining though. But when only you know that Vanilla Ice, Nicki Minaj, Pitbull and Sean Kingston actually sampled classic songs, then you sir or ma’am can safely consider yourself old.

8. MOST OF YOUR FRIENDS HAVE TO PUT THEIR KIDS TO BED BEFORE HEADING OUT

“Hang out tonight?” Yeah, sure but you’ll have to wait for your pal to put his bed to kid and make sure the wife’s in a good mood before coming out for those beers. That or they’ll actually bring their kids along and then leave early because you know, the kid needs to sleep and all.

9. WHEN YOU START SHAVING PLACES YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU’D HAVE TO

Look, before puberty you imagined that the only place you’d need to shave was your moustache (should it grow someday). Now, besides a little trimming in the land down under, you also notice that you’ve got hair coming out of quite possibly every hole in your body. Ears? Check. No, those aren’t feelers from a bug that crawled up your nose. It’s hair. Get trimming.

10. YOU NOW HAVE TO REST AFTER A NIGHT OF PARTYING

Back then, you could party the night away till the wee hours, get wasted as Hell on all sorts of drinks wake up and continue the same thing again for two more days. Now you’ll have perhaps eight beers and a shot of tequila (because you wanna show that you’ve “still got it”) and you wake up with a splitting headache, your throat’s all messed up and your body aches. Welcome to adulthood.

11. WATCHING PORN BECOMES EXTRA CREEPY

Because you realize you’re now that “uncle” (or aunty, we don’t discriminate) who watches younger people go at it. She’s only 20?! That’s like… that… that was how old I was 9 years ago. F***, I’m old. But not old enough to start appreciating GILFs, so there’s that.

12. YOU START HAVING TALKS ABOUT THE GOOD OLD DAYS

Remember when we only brought RM1.50 to school?! Did you have a Digimon too? Mann, remember jerking off to MTV? Or, or getting whacked by a hanger or a belt by your dad? Power Rangers?! Do you remember The Undertaker? Oh wait, he’s still wrestling. Well, there’s one guy who doesn’t feel old.